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Monday, June 21, 2010

In the minority

I, in general, am a rule follower.  Now, don't get me wrong, I may question a lot about the rules and why they exist and why I should follow the rules.  BUT in general, in the end, I follow the rules.  I tend to go with the flow.  I don't like conflict or confrontation.  Maybe it is part of my need to make people happy or for me to feel accepted, but that is a psychological discussion that I wish not to explore at this particular moment. So the question is then, how can someone like me end up pursuing something that is so not mainstream like a VBAC? I guess that is where the other part of me is taking a strong hold.  I want to do what is right.  I have rarely had difficulty standing strong in my faith.  I have never felt incapable of advocating for my child. And with this pregnancy and birth, I want to provide for my baby, my family and myself the prenatal care, birth and postpartum care that are best for all of us.  So why are am in the minority?  A recent report from the National Center for Health Statistics reported that only 8% of women that have a c-section have a successful vaginal delivery for a subsequent birth.  What that really means is that 92% of women end out with another c-section.  So am I crazy to even think that I am a part of that small 8%.  What about me is so different than 92% of other woman that would make me believe a VBAC is even possible for me.  Am I being rebellious not to just conform to the norm? Am I being arrogant to believe that I have some ability, strength or knowledge that 92% of other women lack? Or what I fear the most is, I am being reckless to explore the possibility of the unknown rather than just scheduling a c-section? I think I can say no to all these above questions.  I think that I can say that I am a dreamer.  I hope for the best in me and my baby.  I am trying to put my confidence not in myself, but in my God that made me and this baby that is growing inside of me.  I pray that he has given me the wisdom to seek what is best for us.  I thank Him for providing me with a doctor that is supportive of me and my decisions.  I pray that he gives me persistance to continue to accomplish my goal of a VBAC not to be a champion but to just do what I truly believe is the best for my baby, family and me.  So for this time in my life, I am going to take a stand.  Whether it is a part of my character to stand for what I believe in or against my character to go with the flow, it doesn't really matter much.  Because the more I try to focus on myself and "the story of me" the more I realize that this isn't about me at all.  But rather about God and me learning to trust in Him. 

 NCHS report